Got Ja’Crispy looking at me with that “it’s time for dinner, bitch” look while I publish this. He has put his paw insistently on my arm for a dozen times now and he even brought his favourite toy to trade for his dry deliiiicious food. And I now ask why the fuck did I start writing about this shit eater, always hungry, always annoying me with his wishes. It’s still two hours away from that prick’s dinnertime. Don’t worry, no dog was hurt doing this. Oh, and this story has aliens, spaceships, Kardashians (yep), Red Dwarf, why dogs love humans and some other shit going on. Enjoy.